Schedule Yourself Like It Matters
If you ask 5 random women what they have to juggle every day, I’m willing to bet they will spout a litany of activities – full-time job, partner/spouse, children, elderly parents, care of the home, weekend plans, volunteer activities, and kids’ activities. Oh, and who’s making dinner?
With all the Self-Care inspirational quotes on our mugs, wall art, and Instagram posts, how much does it really show up in your life?
Are You Constantly Rescheduling Yourself?
There’s the often-quoted piece of advice to place self-care time in your calendar – book an appointment with yourself, just as you would your most important client.
Lovely idea, but how often does that stick? Let’s get real, if the job or the kids or the spouse or the parents need extra time and attention and energy, how likely is it that you’ll say, “can’t -- I have blocked that time on my calendar as ‘me-time.’’
No, we move “me” off the calendar because it’s easier that way. Instead of saying no to the extra errand or task, negotiating with someone else to adjust their day, it’s less of a hassle to reschedule Me-Time. “I can work in some self-indulgence elsewhere in the calendar” you promise yourself; knowing full well it doesn’t seem to happen.
When we move ourselves off our calendar, what are we saying to ourselves? “It’s easier to say no to myself than it is to inconvenience someone else.” And what is that saying? “I’m just not that important.”
Time For Yourself Is Not Selfish
That ends here! Don’t leave yourself behind while you pursue everything else that you want. It’s time you set a place for yourself at the same table as everyone else. You’re planning your day, your week – integrate YOU in your choices. Treating time for yourself as a hard and fast appointment that cannot be moved is not selfish – it’s necessary for you to restore and recharge so that you’re in a much better state of physical and mental energy to show up for others at home and at work.
We start out with great intentions. But no sooner do we set priorities for the day, we get distracted with responding to emails and texts or getting that one “nagging thing” that showed up finished. Leaving yourself for “when I get it all done” often means that time runs out. There it is again, “I’m just not that important.”
Intentionally Invest Your Time In You
It doesn’t have to be any more complicated than setting aside time to read, go to the gym, or meet a friend for coffee. Yet we typically prioritize everyone else: a child needs you to bring something to school; a boss wants you to dig into an extra project; someone must wait at home for the contractor. Our response? “I’ll do ‘my thing’ later”.
Let’s face it – it’s easier to push yourself off because you don’t have to apologize or talk to someone to arrange alternatives. Just do that extra task and push off that exercise class or connecting with a friend for another day. Except, how often does it get missed altogether?
It's not easy to retrain yourself to protect your time. Have a toolbox of things you love to do and don’t want to miss because it makes you feel amazing. What makes these things important to you? Start by committing to one thing because one is better than nothing. Make it work within a framework you already have.
Get Help Putting Yourself First
One of the most impactful things you can do for yourself, starting today, is becoming comfortable requesting assistance. Let your family know what you need, when, and for how long. Delegate what you can. Speak up and claim your time, and when you hold true to your plans, others will soon accept this is what you need and will find a way to make it happen.
Does this sound easy to do? It feels daunting and overwhelming for some of us. This is why it’s my mission to work with women who are over-scheduled and losing their sense of self. I help women put themselves back into their calendar, and treat that time as golden, because it is.
Reach out to me to discuss what you find challenging about self-care and how I can help.